YOU KNOW YOU DON’T LIVE IN THE OC ANYMORE WHEN…

Instead of hiring a gardener, you hire a herd of goats to weed your yard.  These guys come and set up fencing, drop off their goats and in a couple of days..no more weeds!  Drove by this house and saw them in action yesterday…

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The mornings are cold enough that frost covers the ground and it looks like it snowed.  Very exciting stuff for the four native Californians living in our house and for me the change of weather and landscape brings me back to my childhood.  Although now it’s me scraping ice off the car windshield in the mornings…not my dad!

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You have watched the turkey you are going to eat for Thanksgiving grow up on the farm behind you.   Sad to drive past and know how numbered their days are.

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Your town actually has a brochure entitled “Bathrooms of Bainbridge…Where to Go When You Have To Go.”   Perhaps we should schedule a tour for our next set of visitors.  Anyone?  Anyone?

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You watch the sunrise through the trees in your backyard each morning and you don’t even wake up until 7:30am. 

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Crazy Baby Ladies

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© Someecards

The other day I was in line at Costco and I noticed a mom at the checkstand next to me struggling to unload her cart with one hand while holding her squirming baby in the other. A brief wave of empathy washed over me as I remembered the days when my kids were babies and, like all moms, I had to learn to do everything one-handed. It’s amazing what a few years of practice can do…by the time kid #3 came around I could ride the merry go round at Disneyland while breastfeeding the baby, taking photos of the other two and somehow still manage to hold everybody’s churros.

Anyway, back to Costco…I started to load my own groceries and when I looked back at the mom, the baby was gone. Not in her arms. Not in the cart.  I looked around and saw that the lady in line behind the mom was now holding the baby. As I watched, the lady proceeds to swing the baby up in the air fairly aggressively and then she proceeds to shower the baby with SLOBBERY KISSES all over her face as she brings her down. Over and over again.

As I watched, all kinds of thoughts start running through my head….”Is that the Grandma?  They didn’t seem to know each other.  She HAS to know that woman.  Is it possible that a total STRANGER is planting her saliva all over this baby during FLU season?!” I was internally freaking out as the mom was calmly loading her items onto the conveyor belt with hardly a glance at this woman and the baby. Sure enough, after she finished checking out she politely thanked the woman, retrieved her baby, and left.

Now, admittedly,  I am a total germaphobe, and if it had been even minimally socially acceptable to put my babies in an actual bubble while out in public I totally would’ve done it.  I mean, that lady could’ve dropped the baby, run out the door with the baby, sneezed or coughed on the baby…the possibilities are endless.

I’ve seen these women before. These “crazy baby ladies” have no social boundaries when it comes to babies and I know this because my mother is President of the Club. True story: my parents were at a restaurant and there was a young couple sitting at a table nearby trying to eat their dinner with a fussy infant. First of all, my mom is 100% Sicilian, so when she sees people trying to eat and being impeded in some way, an alarm goes off inside her. Second, she is a crazy baby lover and she knows an opportunity when she sees one.

In a flash, she was at their table introducing herself and offering to take care of the baby back at HER table so this couple could enjoy their dinner. And these people ACTUALLY handed their baby over to my mom for the rest of their meal.  I don’t know who’s more nuts…my mom or those people. I mean, who DOES that?

On second thought…I guess maybe starving, sleep-deprived new parents who haven’t had a real conversation or hot food in six months, that’s who. Perhaps not everyone has a crazy baby lady for a mom that follows you around for six months postpartum.  So I guess I should thank my mom for never giving anyone else the opportunity to hijack my baby. I’m sorry I called you nuts.  Carry on, crazy baby lady, carry on.

COSTCO…WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR BANANAS?

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So I’m at Costco and I need bananas. I get to the banana section and see these bananas that look like props from the Incredible Shrinking Woman. I stood there, picking up bag after bag after bag, searching for just one bunch that are somewhat normal in size. I notice a woman standing next to me who seems to be doing the same thing. We look at each other and she says, “They’re so GREEN.” I think, “THAT’s what she notices about the bananas…that they’re GREEN?” All bananas are green at one point but I have never seen a banana twice the size of my foot. I continue to stand there for a couple of minutes seriously pondering where these things came from…are they safe to eat? Were they somehow grown with steroids or some other chemical that causes excessive growth? Should I just go to the grocery store and get some normal bananas? And then I see the thing that gets me every damn time at Costco…the price. $1.29 you say for this 14 pound banana bunch? Sold….I’ll take my chances.  But seriously – fellow Costco shoppers, is this happening in other parts of the country as well? Or is it just a Pacific Northwest thing? I would really love to know!

BLACKOUT!

So the other night we had some rain (finally!) and wind, nothing crazy, nothing that would make us think we’d lose power.  But when we woke up yesterday morning we were in the dark.  The kids schools all had power so they went off to school as usual.  My husband works from home and really can’t work without a computer, so he cracked open his new Stephen King book and settled in.  I  puttered around the house for a couple of hours and quickly realized how much cleaner my house would be without a time sucking computer in it.  Seriously, I cleaned out junk drawers, organized games and bins, filed papers, etc.  Stuff that I would normally never do given the choice between that and watching the latest online cute puppy video that’s been forwarded by someone whose house is also a mess cause they’re spending their time recording and uploading puppy videos.  Damn you, technology.

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Since we live in the Pacific Northwest and since our house is surrounded by woods, by 4:00pm it was pretty much dark.  We ordered pizza from town and played Rummikub and Scrabble by candlelight.  We let the kids eat all the ice cream before it melted.  Really kind of a nice mellow night. My 11 year old son was not amused.  “You mean there’s NO POSSIBLE way to charge my iTouch?”   “Are you absolutely SURE the tv doesn’t work?” “Does ANYBODY have any battery left on ANYTHING?”  “I’m SO bored I’m going to die”.  This from the most creative person I know.  My 5 year old was only concerned with hygiene, go figure.  “Can we take a shower?”  Me:  “No, there’s no hot water.”   Her:  “So….everyone is going to go to school tomorrow all….SMELLY?”  My OCD showering and hair washing schedule has apparently rubbed off on her. Yay.  Power came back on around 10:00pm after being out for about 16 hours.  So here I am this morning on my time sucking computer, ignoring the dishes and the laundry once again, talking to you.