I wish I could tell you I’m so busy I just haven’t had the time but that’s a lie. I have the time…hell, I even have stamps leftover from last Christmas sitting in my drawer. I’ve simply been avoiding it like the plague. I find it funny (and not in a ha ha way) that for so many years I have taken Christmas card photos for other families and it’s really such a pleasant experience. Maybe because other people’s children are too polite to run away screaming when they see me with a camera. They tend not to make wacky faces at me, at least not on purpose. The husband doesn’t tell me, “It’s been seven minutes, I’ve about reached my limit here.”
But my own family…now that’s a different story. So it’s December 18th and I realize I can avoid the situation no longer. I tell everybody to get in front of the fireplace so I can take some test photos to see how they will look. And though I’m sure they will be mad at me for posting these, I just had to show you people what I am dealing with. Seriously, EVERY photo I took has not one, but multiple displays of idiocy. Now normally I yell, scream and cajole until it’s done. But not this time (well, I actually did yell and scream a tiny bit). This time I simply put the camera down…and walked away in utter defeat.
You know, when my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, I had to physically chase after them to take photos. I longed for the day when they were older and calmer and would cooperate just swimmingly. But I’ll take a two-year-old I can bribe with a lollipop ANY day over this crew whose only collective goal appears to be to piss me off.
So there you have it. My Christmas cards are not at the printer. My Christmas cards are not in the mail. My perfect Christmas card exists only in my head so I ask you to do your best to envision a lovely picture of my family sitting in front of a fireplace, like a Norman Rockwell painting. Did you picture it? Ok, good. Merry freakin’ Christmas.