The Costco Return Line

tinafeyMEME

I am a huge fan of Costco, in part due to their incomparable return policy. They truly do stand behind every product they sell and no return seems to be too absurd for them. I openly admit I have taken full advantage of this policy over the years…I recently returned a vacuum cleaner that died, after using it for two years to vacuum up more dog hair than you ever thought could possibly come from one Labrador. I have returned clothes that shrunk and toys that did not live up to their claims. I had a friend that once bought an entire living room set, moved six months later, and when the furniture didn’t fit in the new house, returned it for a full refund! And Costco doesn’t bat an eye.

On a recent trip the return line was exceptionally long and it seemed each person’s return was more complicated than the next.. Why do I always feel like I am the only person who has a straightforward, simple return, who has a receipt and Costco card in hand and when it’s my turn it takes like two minutes?

But these other people are up there with all kinds of problems and stories, going on and on about one thing or another.

One lady was returning a printer and they unpacked the box to make sure everything was there. And the printer cable was missing. So the clerk asks her where the printer cable is and she feigns innocence like, “What? Oh? Really? I didn’t realize. Cable? You see, my husband…..” Blah, blah, blah. When lady, we are all thinking you bought this thing so you could return it and get a free printer cable. Really, now.

And so it went, one big problem and long story after another. The whole time in line I was annoyed because I couldn’t see what the lady in front of me was returning and I was curious. So it’s finally her turn so she goes up to the cashier and I see her unwrapping a small item in her hand. I nosily re-position myself to see what her deal is and I see what appears to be half a salami on the counter.

Lady, are you kidding me? You just waited in this line for 30 minutes to return your half-eaten appetizer?! First of all, it couldn’t have been that bad because somebody ate half of it. Second, unless all your Christmas dinner guests died of food poisoning and you are turning this hunk of meat in for a lab analysis…this is a WASTE OF EVERYBODY’S TIME. But at least it explained the weird smell wafting through the line.

Whatever…it’s finally my turn. Now, please excuse me so I can return my hair dryer and get the hell out of here already.

“What’s that you say? It came with a mini hair dryer just perfect for travel? Oh? Really? I didn’t realize. Mini hair dryer? You see, my husband…”

One comment on “The Costco Return Line

  1. Annette says:

    We’ve all been there, Janene! On the return line after Christmas, two guys came in with about a hundred bottles of booze on a cart. Luckily they were behind me. The line went into the parking lot. The temp was near -1. I escaped after only 20 minutes and considered myself lucky. My returned stuff was unwrapped, I didn’t have a receipt, and the cashier didn’t blink an eye! Actual processing time, 2 minutes.

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