“Oprah’s Favorite Things 2017” – The Reality Edition

If you live on Planet Earth, you’ve most likely heard of “Oprah’s Favorite Things”, the list of gift suggestions she shares each holiday season.  This is the 20th year of the notorious list and according to Oprah, “this year, there is something for everyone!”

Everyone, Oprah?  Are you sure about that?  I took a look at some of these items and, no offense to Queen Oprah, but I beg to differ.

1. Coatology Down Scarf $85

scarf

Umm…pass.  If I want a scarf that looks like that, I’ll just wrap a Hefty lawn bag around my neck for free and call it a day.

2. L’OBJET Bath Salts $150

bathsalt

One hundred and fifty bucks for a bottle of bath salts?  For that price it better come with a person that will stand outside the bathroom door and block my children, husband, and dog from interrupting my luxurious bath.  And then feed everybody while I’m soaking. Now that might be worth it.

3. Emi Jay Women’s Smooshshirt $136

smooshshirt

The description of this product on Amazon claims that this is “the softest product to ever touch your body.” Clearly, Oprah has never tried on my Philips Academy sweatshirt from 1985.  Yes, I still have an article of clothing that I bought when I was 15 years old. And I will tell you, when you’ve worn and washed something for 33 years, it really is the “softest product to ever touch your body.” So I’ll save the $136 and carry on, Oprah.

 

 

4. Gratitude Glass Jar $45

gratitudejar

I actually love this idea.  The concept is that family members jot down things they are grateful for, put them in the jar and then review them at the end of the year. What I don’t love is the $45 price tag for the jar itself.  I’ll tell you what I’m grateful for…the old mason jar I’ve got in my cupboard because now I have Item #4 for free.

5. Novelty Bird House, Prices Vary  *Hotel California Birdhouse $538

birdhouse

Seriously?  You would think the crazy thing is that there is a $538 birdhouse on this list…but the really crazy thing is that this birdhouse is sold out online already!  I never realized how many spoiled rotten birds are flying around out there.

6. 23andMe DNA Test $69

dna

I don’t know about you, but if a family member gave me a DNA test kit for Christmas, frankly, I’d be a little freaked out.  I mean, what is the end game here? Are you trying to reveal a long-kept secret, like my dad is not actually my dad? Perhaps you’re trying to prove we’re not related somehow?  Do you love me so much you want my DNA available for cloning in 50 years?  Honestly, I’m not comfortable with any of those scenarios so thanks but no thanks on the DNA test. I choose to remain a mystery.

7. Maman Trio $65

mamantrio

Sixty-five dollars for twelve cookies??  Are they magic cookies, like with zero calories or something?  Or better yet, calorie burning cookies?  Because that’s pretty much the only way I’d pay over five bucks for a cookie.  I’m thinking Oprah hasn’t been to Costco in a while. Because they now sell “Toasted Walnut Chocolate Chunk Cookies” that are the size of small frisbees and are simply amazing.  I took a photo for proof…that’s a fig newton for scale.  At a buck a cookie, I’m sticking with these babies.

IMG_5460

8. A Great Thought A Day Notepads $15

notepad

Finally, something on the list for a reasonable price.  But I don’t know…feels like too much pressure.  A great thought a day?  I don’t feel like I have enough “great” thoughts to fill that pad.  My great thoughts would probably consist of “bananas” and “waffles” because really, I’d just end up using it for my grocery list.  And isn’t that what the free notepads that realtors leave on your doorstep are for?

9. GoBone $199

gobone

A $200 dog bone?  The company claims “The GoBone automatically keeps a pup rolling around, chasing, and being chased, all at the touch of an app.”  I actually have a free app for that.  It’s called, “Kids, go play with the dog!”  No batteries required.

avacharlie

Sorry, Oprah, but this list is a bust for me.  My favorite gift I’ve gotten recently was from my sister, who sent me a t-shirt for no special occasion, that says, “It’s Too Peopley Outside.”

peopley

I was like “Yes”!  Now this is an awesome gift.  It IS too peopley outside.  Which is why I’ll be doing my holiday shopping from the comfort of my home, in my ultra soft sweatshirt from 1985, while munching on my giant Costco cookies.

10 comments on ““Oprah’s Favorite Things 2017” – The Reality Edition

  1. Barbara says:

    You are spot on with all of these! I wish I could get into your brain just to see the world the way you can.

  2. Fran Collica says:

    Janene, thank goodness for your blogs. Everything you post is very true but hysterically funny. It would be great if Oprah would read this. She would appreciate it for sure.
    Well sweetie, we want to wish you and your wonderful family a happy Thanksgiving 🦃. From your biggest fan.❤️😘👍🏻

  3. Jami Darienzo says:

    HAH! This is hilarious. And this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you but Maman is a bakery in Manhattan and I would have paid $10 per cookie 😉 Maybe that’s just me.

  4. Karin says:

    Seriously fun and entertaining! Thanks for sharing!

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