The Great Suburban Sock Match-Up

A 39-year-old mother of three made headline news today after she casually unloaded the white laundry from her dryer and discovered something incredible…EVERY sock had a match.

Ashley Davis, of Bainbridge Island, Washington, says the day started out like any other Monday.  Davis had just completed a load of darks when the mind-boggling incident occurred. “On top of the dryer, from the first load of laundry, I already had two mismatched gloves, my son’s missing retainer, 42 cents, a disintegrated ticket stub, an unidentifiable melted thingamajig, and three shiny pebbles.”

Davis assumed she would be adding at least five mismatched white socks to the pile, as had normally been the case for the past twenty years. But as Davis was folding the socks together, “they just kept matching up, one sock at a time.”

It wasn’t until Davis noticed there were only six socks left to fold that she started to get her hopes up. “First of all, just having an even number left is so unusual. I slowly, skeptically, started to match up those last pairs. When the last two socks were a match, I checked and rechecked the floor and dryer for any stragglers.” But, incredibly, there were no stragglers to be found.

Davis immediately contacted her husband and mother, and posted about her triumph on Facebook and Instagram.  One of her neighbors called the local news, who promptly descended upon the modest three-bedroom home.

On the scene, we spoke with Pam Smith, the PTO President at the local elementary school where Davis’ children attend. “After I heard the news, I immediately relinquished my role as President to Ashley. I mean, anyone that can achieve that level of personal organization is exactly the kind of person we need to be our fearless leader.”

Still a little overwhelmed when we interviewed her, Davis stated, “Really, this has been at the top of my bucket list for so many years and I was beginning to think it was never going to happen. It just goes to show that if you dream big and work hard, great things can happen.”

Davis is a neurosurgeon by trade and a competitive triathlete. She recently ran the Boston Marathon and placed first for her age group. Her second novel, “Neuroscience for Neuroscientists”, is currently at #3 on the New York Times Bestseller list.

Despite all her accolades and achievements, Davis considers what is now widely referred to as “The Great Suburban Sock Match-Up”, to be her greatest accomplishment of 2017.

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This entry was posted in Satire.