I swear, if I ever write the story of my life, I think I’ll call it “AWKWARD SOCIAL SITUATIONS AND ME: A MEMOIR”.

I’m at the grocery store today, and I run into an acquaintance I haven’t seen in a while. We stop and chat for a few minutes. We say the obligatory “we should get together soon” and bid our goodbyes.

ONE MINUTE LATER:  I’m in the next aisle over and I see her coming towards me. As we pass, I say “Well, hello again!”. But for some reason it comes out in a strange voice, like I’m trying to put on an accent or something. Oh God, now she thinks I’m weird.

TWO MINUTES LATER: I’m in cereal and crackers and there she is, coming toward me AGAIN. Ok, we are definitely on the same shopping trajectory.  Do we say hello a THIRD time? Or maybe just a nod and smile? Do I wait for her to make eye contact? Should I turn around and skip a couple of aisles and then circle back to avoid the awkwardness?

I AM 48 YEARS OLD…WHY DON’T I KNOW THE RULES HERE??

I plan to say nothing. Let her make the move. She’s intently staring at the Wheat Thins, and just as I’m about to pass her by I blurt out, “Funny meeting YOU here!”  NOOOOO!!! WHY did I say that? SO weird!

That’s it. I’m breaking the first law of grocery shopping and heading to frozen and then I’ll circle back for the rest. This is too stressful.

I head to frozen and immediately hear a voice say, “Hiiiii Janene! Long time no see!” It’s a different woman. And suddenly I’m a deer in the headlights. BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS. And she knows my NAME. OMG…this is even WORSE.

Why do I live in a small town? Why don’t I live in a big city where THESE THINGS WILL NEVER HAPPEN???

At least I know what I’ll be overthinking about when I go to bed tonight. Please someone tell me they can relate. Seriously, lie if you must…