Dear Holiday Shoppers…
Seriously? How could you? Honestly, I have never been so disappointed in a collective group of people in my life. My faith in humanity may never be the same.
Let me explain…
It was a Saturday in mid-December and I had just arrived at the mall for a few precious hours of Christmas shopping without the kids. I started out at my favorite place, the bookstore. I bought a couple of books, used the “facilities” as their bathroom is usually the cleanest (I keep track of these things), then continued on my merry way.
My next stop was Forever 21. And ok, maybe I get why YOU guys didn’t say anything. I mean, you’re all basically in high school and you probably didn’t look up from your phones long enough to notice me. And even if you had, the awkwardness of the situation would have been too much for your teenage brains to handle. So if I was going to forgive anyone, I guess it would be you.
I moved on to the bath and body store. A store full of fellow women, for Pete’s sake. The lines were so long. How many of you were behind me…20? 30? But NOT ONE of you approached me. It would only have taken a small gesture on your part to save me any further shame.
I stopped at the personalization kiosk. And, Mr. Personalization, we actually chatted, you and me. I told you my kids’ names. I mean, I guess it was so you could put them on the ornament I was buying, but still…I felt like we were friends. But even you said nothing.
And so I continued, totally oblivious, through the jam-packed mall, unaware of the trail of destruction in my wake. And when I was done, I loaded my bags into the car and drove home, never the wiser. I walked in the door and my husband came over to greet me.
“Hey J…how was the mall?”
I turned around and closed the front door.
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks. “Oh. My. God.” he whispered, his eyes wide. “NO! You DIDN’T! All through the MALL? Oh my God.”
And now, dear mall shoppers, let me give you a little piece of friendly advice: When someone has spinach in their teeth, it is good manners to discreetly tell them. When someone’s pants zipper is down, they would appreciate you letting them know.
And when someone is walking around a crowded mall in December WITH A TWO FOOT TRAIN OF TOILET PAPER HANGING OUT OF THEIR ASS, you should DEFINITELY, absolutely, unconditionally, SAY SOMETHING.
One Mortified Mom (who will only shop online from here on out)
P.S. Second only to my amazement of not a single person alerting me to this horror, is the fact that there is a brand of toilet paper out there so incredibly strong that it can handle intense mall crowds as well as getting into and out of a vehicle without so much as a tear. Damn bookstore and their fancy triple-ply paper. 😂
If you enjoyed this post, check out “Today I was a Horrible Person” https://imightbefunny.com/life-in-general/today-i-was-a-horrible-person/